Do you like me? Check YES or NO!

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Just another Tuesday night, browsing around on Pinterest and stumbled upon this gem. Do you remember these notes? We used to send them to our crushes back in elementary school!

The infamous “Do you like me, check YES 🙂  or NO 😦 ” notes. What a simple time if you think about it. If you think someone is cute or funny, you send them this note. He says yes or no. If he says yes, he’s your boyfriend. He says no, you send it to someone else… and so it begins…the circle of dating. 

But why is it 20 years later we have to “pussy foot” around the subject. Tip toe… oops be careful, you don’t want to “scare” him off. 

Is it because when we are 8 years old, we knew this boy wouldn’t be our future husband? Or is it that at that age, we realize there are plenty of boys around the corner? Why not keep this same mentality as we get older? 

You know there are plenty of fish in the sea. A gagillion trillion people in this world and just one doesn’t like you? Who cares what Mr. Whatshisname McGee thinks anyways!

Be that confident 8 year old you once were and send out that note! You’re not gonna end up being that old lonely cat lady you so dread on becoming! 

If he doesn’t like you, there’s always another boy in this class of life to pass that note to. LOL 

But, you’ll never know if you don’t ask! 

So do you like me? YES OR NO? 🙂

xoxo

Jena

 

 

 

How to “bounce” back from a breakup!

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I know it has been a while since my last blog. Life has been crazy busy!! 

I have had some requests on how to handle the aftermath of the breakup, so this is the “How To Guide”

Every break up is different. There’s the mutual breakup, the one where you are the break-up-er, or the “worst” break-up-ee. But nevertheless, we pick up the pieces and move on! 

1. No matter if it was mutual, break-up-er, or break-up-ee, you need to cut them off all social media! You can always add them back later on once completely over it and healed. (If you even want to!!) This is VERY IMPORTANT! In fact, you may want to “hide” their friends from your news feed also. You don’t want to see your ex and his friends at the club getting wasted, while you are crying in bed, listening to sad music, surrounded by wrappers and crumbs. Just do it. Delete! 

2.  Think and Reflect. This is not the time to beat yourself up! This is the time to think about what you want. Especially what you learned about yourself in this past relationship.  Did you lose yourself? Think about what makes you happy and what you want in your next relationship (when you’re ready). 

3.  Write down what you want in your next relationship. What are you looking for in a mate? Did you settle in your past relationship? Especially when you go through the desperate time where you “miss” the person and want to text/call him, bring out this list and remind yourself of what you “actually” want. 

4.  Get HOTT and Fit! Start that new fitness program, Barre, Yoga, Pilates, Trainer, Running, Kickboxing… Work on yourself and get fit and healthy. Throw out the junk food and get workin on that BOD!

5.  Redecorate! Move furniture around, art, decor, make your place new and fresh. This will help bring you out of that RUT. 

6.  Girl Time! Make dates with your girls. Pick a show or book and make a fun night out of it. Get together and watch the show or discuss the book with hors d’ouevres and wine. Plenty of wine! 

7. Make dates with yourself! Go to dinner by yourself or mingle at the neighborhood bar. Meet new people and make friends! Open up your circle and have fun with it!

8. Get creative! Go paint pottery, canvass, make jewelry, just get out there and try something new and creative. This is great for the mind and soul! 

9. Get a new do! Highlights, lowlights, cut, extensions, go dark, go light, get bangs…do something new and fresh! 

10.  Keep up with your new and improved self! See how busy you are gonna be! Who has time to remember…what’s his name?? Who cares! 🙂

Please leave comments and what you would like to see in the next post! Promise it won’t take a month 🙂

xoxo Jena

 

 

“THAT” Conversation. Defining the Relationship…

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So you’ve been dating this guy for a while now. You go out every weekend, always talking or texting, maybe he’s gone to a few family events or met your friends. Either way…sooner or later someone has to drop that “BOMB”. The “What Are We?” Conversation. Insert awkwardness here____.

This conversation could go a few different ways, but before we get to that part, let’s go into the scenarios that lead up to it. These are always fun!!

I once dated this guy. Nick NonCommital we will call him. NN and I dated for 5 months. We started dating around the holidays one year. We hit it off immediately, but as you know during this time there are a lot of parties and family get togethers etc. Well, NN decided to invite me to a few family and work events and I invited him to mine. We spent New Years, Valentine’s, Easter, as well as every weekend together. However, all the while I get introduced as “Jena” or my favorite “My FRIEND Jena”.  Never was I called his “girlfriend”. After a few months, I decided to open up and ask what the deal was. NN, can you please define the relationship? NN said he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend. OK, WHAT?!?! ERRRR STOPPPP!! Now if a duck quacks it’s a duck, right? So here I am quacking and thinking I am a duck. WRONG. Not a duck and certainly not the “girlfriend”. We had to end the relationship as it was headed to Nowhere Island very fast and that was one ticket I certainly didn’t want to purchase.

Or there was Shady “I want to be your boyfriend but I don’t want to publicize on “social media” because then that would ruin the image of being single if something better came along” Steve. Shady Steve…at least I was introduced as “My Girlfriend Jena”. That had a nice ring to it…but it wasn’t in print! I was the girlfriend. The one that Shady Steve would take everywhere, but social media. There would sometimes be random girls posting things on Shady Steve’s page that would make me wonder, but I thought…I’m the girlfriend so not to worry. Flash forward. Shady Steve…should have known was two-timing. Thanks to social media and the girl for posting those pictures 🙂 Bye bye SS!!

Those are just two of my stories and I am sure as you are reading this you have a few of these in mind. Please feel free to leave comments and share those below! 🙂

So here are some things to think about when you are wanting to have that “define the relationship or making it public” conversation.

IF he is hanging out with you a lot, making plans, you know his family, friends, he’s calling/texting, and it’s been about 2 months I think it is safe to have the conversation. Let’s not get crazy and ask after two weeks, ok? But, if you feel comfortable having it, then it probably is time. What if he says, “No, I’m not ready to call you my girlfriend.” You have to decide for yourself how long you are going to wait to see if he changes his mind. I think after 2 months of serious dating, you should be “the girlfriend.”

What if he calls you his girlfriend but won’t make it public? Keep an eye on it. Some guys are just not into social media or rarely go on. That is fine if he doesn’t want to put it on there if he’s never on or it’s not a big part of his daily/weekly thing. But if he doesn’t want to publicize it and he is posting mad pics with girls or girls are posting a ton of “inappropriate” comments, then you need to think about it. I’m not talking about cyber stalking and getting all crazy by every post, but you will know or have a feeling when you are getting played. It happens and a lot of guys think they are smooth…smoooooth operatorrrrr..smooooth operatoorrr….coast to coast LA to Chicago…sorry I just broke out into song. You know how I love to do that!

Side Note: My mom calls players “Coast to Coast.” I will tell her about a guy and she says, Jena, he sounds like a coast to coast or an LA to Chicagoer.  I know what she means and it cracks me up!

Or there is another thing. One of my friends asked me about this the other day. What if you are dating a guy for 3 months or so and he doesn’t let you be his Facebook friend and he is private? OK.. RED FLAGGGGGG. If he is not letting you be his “friend” but calls you his girlfriend and are dating for 3 months, he has got to be hiding something.  He’s most likely a Coast to Coast LA to Chicagoer. I wouldn’t even let it get to 3 months.  If he won’t let you be his Facebook friend within a week or two, cut him out. Bye Bye Smooooth Operatooorrr….

Or the BEST CASE SCENARIO!!! You start the conversation and he says, “Thank you for bringing this up, I just didn’t know how to, but I definitely want you to be my girlfriend” MUSIC to your ears! YAY!!! Sometimes guys just need a little push. They aren’t always the best communicators, so this helps alleviate that pressure.  And guess what? You just snatched yourself up a boyfriend you sexy little minx 🙂 That wasn’t so hard!!

Well, I think that about wraps it up for this blog. If you have any questions or comments, please leave them below! And remember, if you feel comfortable having the convo, then have it! Don’t be scared, the worst he can say is no and you won’t waste anymore of your beautiful precious time!! 🙂 xo

“Schlo Bos” are Not priorities!

“Schlo Bos” are Not priorities!.

“Schlo Bos” are NOT priorities!

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It’s Thursday night, so this post goes out to my girls who are wondering what they should do this weekend!

You may be in this predicament right now:

A guy says he’d like to hang out this weekend. But which day? Friday or Saturday? He says, “Not sure yet, I will let you know.”

So what do we do? Well we have a few options. Make plans with our girlfriends Friday and if he says Saturday, all is cool.  But if he says Friday, do we break plans with our girlfriends? PLEASE NEVER DO THIS!!! Or we don’t make plans at all and see what he finally decides after all his options are weighed out? If you choose this route, you risk the fact that he may not even “make plans” with you after all.

I was once the girl that would wait for him to “make plans”. Only to be disappointed if the plans didn’t ever come through or he had a better “option”.

I’m gonna put this out there. You are one busy lady! You work, go to the gym, have a ton of friends, have hobbies, etc. You do not have time to wait on someone to decide if he wants to hang out with you or not.

If a guy says “maybe” “we’ll see” “keep you posted”…You know what I am gonna say. He is not that into you! And in fact, you shouldn’t be into him either. Bye Bye.

It is true! Don’t allow him to be the priority, as you are the priority! Always. Repeat. I am the priority. 🙂

This is what should happen. You make your plans for Friday. Heck, make them for Saturday too. You will soon find out if this guy is “into you” or “not”. Don’t break the plans. You keep them. Always!!! Especially with your girlfriends. They will be there long after this Schlo Bo is gone!  By doing this you accomplish two things. 1. You have plans for the weekend and you know you’re going to have fun!  2. If this guy really likes you, he will now know to make plans in advance (and KEEP them). You Win. You are “his priority” and that’s how it should be!

                           Side note: I was once hanging out with a friend of mine who was “talking” to a guy. We were discussing hanging out later or whatever, it was so long ago, don’t remember all the details. Anyways, she’s on the phone with him and says, “Me, oh I’m not doing anything. Sure I will come over”. I thought HELLO, we are hanging out, that’s not nothing! And don’t just drop everything to hang out with him! (That just makes “HIM” the “priority”) Don’t do that. 🙂

Moral to the story. Make plans. Lots of plans. You are the priority. And Schlo Bos aren’t. The End. 🙂

I’m enough! Another one bites the dust…

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Have you ever thought to yourself why me? Why have I not found the “one”? Why am I alone? Why is everyone else around me getting married and having kids? Why…Why…Whyyyyyyy??? And then my theme song plays in my head…Another one bites the dust. DO DO DO DO Another bites the dust… (now it will be in your head, I apologize ahead of time. Hate when that happens!)

I’ve asked myself these very same questions. You are not alone! I have been in relationship, after relationship, after relationship…and it always ends the same. I’m upset, confused, wondering what “I” did wrong, why another failed relationship, what could I have done better,why am I not enough, etc. But the answer to the burning questions has nothing to do with them and everything to do with ME!

After every failed relationship, I have learned more about myself and grown into the woman I am today.  Sure, I was a little envious to see people getting married, having kids,  yada yada yada. But at the end of the day, I was in a relationship to, just with… MYSELF! And when that time comes and “the one” appears with all his amazingness, I will be readyyyyy!!! 🙂

There are some MAJOR perks to being single, ya know!

I can do whatever I want, when I want, how I want, where I want, you get the picture! Being in a relationship you have to check with your significant other if you have plans, if you can afford to split the vacay or do you have to pay for him if you go try that new restaurant? (YES, I seem to always get stuck with the bill $$$) I have done, traveled, and had more fun being single than being in a relationship! And it’s cheaper too! 🙂

And guess what else? I always call when I say I’m going to. I always do what I say I’m gonna do. I buy flowers for myself, just because.  Of course I am being a little silly, but being single you never have to be let down!

I’m no longer on the hunt or search to find someone to complete me; I complete myself. It took me a few books, self reflect, painting, singing, writing, to get to this point.  But, as cliche as it sounds, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

It has been a roller coaster of relationships.  Heck, I didn’t even have a type. If they gave me attention and were attractive, game on! No job? No car? Who cares, just be my boyfriend!! Pleaseeeee…I’m. So. Desperate.

But now, I DEFINITELY know what I want, watch out for the “little red flags”, listen to my GUT, and I will not SETTLE. EVER.

So until Mr. Amazingness comes along, I will keep painting, writing, singing, hanging out with my family, friends, traveling, and doing whatever makes ME happy! If I want to sit in for the whole weekend and hibernate with a Netflix-a-thon, I will. If I want to eat a lean cuisine for dinner, make a dinner out of wine and cheese, or even if it’s going to get some Vietnamese summer rolls and soup by myself, who cares? 🙂 I will be doing it all with crunchy air-dried hair, wearing yoga pants, and no makeup. Because. I. Can!

It is an AMAZING feeling to be so empowered by myself! My inspiration for this post was a quote I saw on Pinterest, “All I was searching for was ME” and it’s funny how I didn’t even know “ME” was what I was really searching for. I thought I was searching for a man all this time..

And guess what? I am ENOUGH! 🙂

Let me tell you how I really feel about “online dating”…

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Try online dating they said…it’s how my sister’s friend’s 12th cousin twice removed found her husband they said. WRONG! Sure, nowadays I get it, we are all so busy and glued to our phones and computers that it makes perfect sense to find your mate through one of these technological devices.

You name it, I’ve tried it.  The “typical” dating sites: Match, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish…The not so typical iPhone apps: Tinder, Let’s Date, Meet me…whatever. They. Are. All. The. Same.

In fact, I have seen the same guys on all the sites. I guess I was on there too…but that’s not the point! 🙂 I have also ran into guys that I went on dates with years prior who are back at it. But guess what? I updated my pictures, they didn’t. Come on! You are now 30 something, please take the pic of you when you are 24 wearing your Hollister hat and 6 pack abs photo off your default.  And why are you in the bathroom all the time?

Ladies, if you want to online date, I am going to give you some pointers and save you the time!

What their photos really say:

1. Always wearing a hat: balding, bald, big forehead. If this hat has jewels on it, please run. Ed Hardy is so 2001.

2. If he doesn’t own a shirt. Yes he has a nice body, but a lot of places these days have no shirt no service…so guess you are going to picnic outside. That’s okay, at least he’s hot.

3. Duck face. Yes it’s sometimes cute when we ladies do it, but if he is doing the duck face… I CAN’T. It isn’t a good look my friend.

4.  If he isn’t showing any teeth: does he have teeth? Dentures? Where are your teeth?

5.  My friend Jen showed me this guy’s profile that every picture was in a dressing room. THOSE ARE NOT HIS CLOTHES!

6.  Does he have any friends/family/or animals? If every picture is just him or better yet, an ex girlfriend is cut out!? I CAN’T

I could go on and on…but it’s not all about the pictures.

What does his profile say:

1.  Anything negative, run. “tired of games” “prove to me women are not all the same”

2.  Look for things that interest you as well.  If he is just GTL and YOLO, you better runnn……

3. My favorite.  “don’t want anything serious” = I JUST WANT TO…

Once you started talking, what to look out for (red flags):

1.  If he just wants to meet but doesn’t want to text or talk on phone first

2. If he doesn’t have a social footprint (no facebook, instagram, linkedin) is he real?

3.  Google image his photos to make sure they are not stollen from elsewhere. This is also how I found out a few times ex girlfriend was cut out. Clever!

4.  If he is pushy or gives you any kinda weird vibe. Go with your instincts.

Side note: I was texting this guy one time and he said what are you doing? I said, watching TV, what are you doing? Next text I got was a pic of his…ummm…yea… I deleted him IMMEDIATELY.

So…5. If he sends you sexy pics right away. They are probably saved. Is this a mass text?

Or 6. If he asks YOU for sexy pics?! NO NO NO NO NO…apparently some girls have done this, and that is why they ask. I CAN’T

7.  I do think you should meet within a week or so of chatting if possible. You don’t want to waste time. BUT, meet for coffee or something very quick. Always have an exit plan or something you have to get to, so you aren’t stuck there.

Anyways, moral to the story…I went on a few online dates. I will be posting about those another time, for your enjoyment of course! I learned a few things through my experiences and wanted to share with you! Hope it helps! 🙂

The A-HA Moment!


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Here I am, a typical Sunday afternoon with my girls. Re-counting the recent “dating stories” that my friends soooo look forward to hearing about.  I show them this new “Whatever. I’ll just date myself.” graphic I found on Pinterest.  They said, Jena, why don’t you blog about these stories? I thought to myself, why not? I am a firm believer in “Everything happens for a reason” so I might as well share these experiences with others! Everyone deserves a good laugh, right? 🙂

This is my first blog, my intro.  If you are reading this and I dated you, chances are, you will appear here.  But only if you did something messed up, odd, or left me scratching my head. Which is the majority! Of course I will protect the “not so innocent” by giving you a clever nickname. 🙂 How kind of me!

So here I go…and remember…I can’t make this stuff up!

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